Remember in All Actuality
You weren’t the one hurt
When you chose to leave my arms
Instead it was me who had to stand and watch
You walk away without one backwards glance
And you never heard as I cried out your name
And you never realized how many days I had to hide from you
For letting you see the tears was a sign of my own weakness
It was me that hurt for days and weeks and months
As you fell in love with her, not me
And you forgot about our kisses and our nights
And you let the memory of me fade further away
For I no longer mattered as you fell into her embrace
It was me who had to watch every single day
As you continued to go on happily
And I can’t find my own direction
And I stumble over my own feet
Fall to my knees as these falling tears blind me
So remember it was me, in all actuality,
That was hurt the day you walked away
Capra Willows
What If…
What if you never knew my pain
What if one day I fell to the ground, crying
What if that day was today
Would you come rescue me?
What if you never knew my story
What if one day I came to school black and blue
What if that day was yesterday
Would you try to help me?
What if you never knew my name
What if one day I faded away
What if that day was tomorrow
Would you even notice me gone?
Capra Willows
Judgement Day
I will never be beautiful to you
For you judge
Before you know my story
Ask me and I’ll tell
But don’t assume that
I am this way by choice
I never got to choose
You sit across the table from me
And tell me all the ways I’ve sinned
But you don’t understand
And you never will
I always envisioned a future
Where I would be happy-
That’s all I have ever wanted
I never dreampt of wealth
Nor beauty nor success
Just simple, pure happiness
But I didn’t get my chance to choose
It swept upon me, consumed me wholly
And left behind a trail of its destruction
From the broken dreams to the fading scars
I was swallowed by the abyss
Forced to live a life I never imagined
And soon I found myself dying
As I let the darkness win
I never got to choose
So you will judge me
And all I can do is smile and pretend
When I know the truth
Capra Willows
Guardian Angel
Soaring high above the city
Looking down, down, down
I see who I use to be
A girl sitting in her room
Alone at night
Sitting on the edge of her bed
Crying silently
To keep from waking her family
Tears fall upon her forearm
And the light from her lamp
Illuminates the translucent pain
But also catches the glimmer of a ruby
A red, red ruby
Such a precious gem
When she was young
She dreamed of being a princess
Not a damsel in distress
When she was younger
She would count the days
Until her happily ever after
But now
She counts the days until she dies
As they slowly slip by
And she doesn’t think of the end
No- she dreams of it
Every
Single
Night
She glares at the reflection in the mirror
For she hates who she has become
How she hides behind lies and scars
How she writes what no one cares to read
I cannot remember how long it’s been
All I can think of is this girl
So much like me
She doesn’t know how I watch from afar
Nor does she know
How I swallowed the pills for her
How I put the noose around my own neck
How I put the gun to my temple
How I put the razor against my skin
She’ll never know
Capra Willows
The Light of a Miser’s Heart
A candle lit and left to burn through the night
So that by morning the wax lays in a melted mound
And the wick has gone as smoke into the air
Remaining is the already melted wax
And a short stub of the once lengthy wick
Seemingly used up and worthless
The candle stands forgotten,
An insignificant memory of light and warmth
But a memory nonetheless
A man desperate for even the smallest warmth
Lit the wick again and fostered a growing smolder
As it slowly ate away at the wax
Pushing further and further towards its end
Once it reached the end, could it be rekindled again?
Capra Willows
I'm not suicidal so please don't worry. If concerned please just message me and I'll respond as soon as possible.
